HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
