you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
