You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
