There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
