You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i used baking grease as lip gloss
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
