fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
