I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
