I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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