its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
