you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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