bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
