You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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