i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
