can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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