Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
