I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
