Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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