dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
