She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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