i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I will be naked everywhere
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
