I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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