It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
