Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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