he wants to bone in the snuggie
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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