Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
