Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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