the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just cropdusted the office
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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