I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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