We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
