a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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