If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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