he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
