Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
No subtext here. People are naked.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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