I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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