so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
