I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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