her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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