Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
