beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I need to calm my uterus...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
