Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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