Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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