you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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