Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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