I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
