i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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