if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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