I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
