Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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