I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
