Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
